Saturday, April 26, 2008

At this very moment....

Is it wrong to have wat u want at times? Y does this life of mine turn out to be so complicated when the complications are in the end things of trivial matter? Nothing has been going towards my favor. Is it so hard to just get some freedom? Coming back at 4 is late i know but that is not the issue here is it? Y must u think tat i'm just using this house as a hotel? How often do i even hang out wit frens anymore? I dun come back late from uni playing games and wasting time. I'm actually STUDYING for God's sake......All i wan is to live my life my way. Y must you conquer every aspect of me? I've gave you almost everything i had. I let you decide my future profession, endure every single sec doing hard and complex mathematical problem. You said dun go out.I never fought back. I let you control the whole of me just to make you comfortable so y is it tat i cant get wat i want? Y must u associate things which are not even linked with the prob? Is this your method of teaching? Cuz really i find it flawed to be autocratic. I tried to compromise. But you just dont want to. I gave all i have. But you just cant see me as someone who means no harm and that i would never betray you. I gave everything i can to make you comfortable but at times it really seems as tho things are just goin 1 way. You dont c it the way i do. And it saddens me cuz you were the one who mentioned tat its the family which comes 1st. Somehow i just dun feel like i'm a part of it being treated this way. I did everything to earn your trust but you just cant see me for who i am. You dun respect me for who i am. And i no matter wat know that my role is not to question this. To be filial. In the end, you win the game but you won it becuz you had the advantage and tat i was just soft and understanding. You've robbed me of my dreams and passions. Nothing has changed and it will not unless you wanna gimme a chance.

I'm rarely like this. I recover almost instantly and come back to rationality. But right now, just right now.......I feel like a piece of glass falling at terminal velocity towards the concrete ground. In fact i;m just a few miliseconds away from the ground. I'm currently that fragile. No one will ever understand......