At this very moment....

Is it wrong to have wat u want at times? Y does this life of mine turn out to be so complicated when the complications are in the end things of trivial matter? Nothing has been going towards my favor. Is it so hard to just get some freedom? Coming back at 4 is late i know but that is not the issue here is it? Y must u think tat i'm just using this house as a hotel? How often do i even hang out wit frens anymore? I dun come back late from uni playing games and wasting time. I'm actually STUDYING for God's sake......All i wan is to live my life my way. Y must you conquer every aspect of me? I've gave you almost everything i had. I let you decide my future profession, endure every single sec doing hard and complex mathematical problem. You said dun go out.I never fought back. I let you control the whole of me just to make you comfortable so y is it tat i cant get wat i want? Y must u associate things which are not even linked with the prob? Is this your method of teaching? Cuz really i find it flawed to be autocratic. I tried to compromise. But you just dont want to. I gave all i have. But you just cant see me as someone who means no harm and that i would never betray you. I gave everything i can to make you comfortable but at times it really seems as tho things are just goin 1 way. You dont c it the way i do. And it saddens me cuz you were the one who mentioned tat its the family which comes 1st. Somehow i just dun feel like i'm a part of it being treated this way. I did everything to earn your trust but you just cant see me for who i am. You dun respect me for who i am. And i no matter wat know that my role is not to question this. To be filial. In the end, you win the game but you won it becuz you had the advantage and tat i was just soft and understanding. You've robbed me of my dreams and passions. Nothing has changed and it will not unless you wanna gimme a chance.

I'm rarely like this. I recover almost instantly and come back to rationality. But right now, just right now.......I feel like a piece of glass falling at terminal velocity towards the concrete ground. In fact i;m just a few miliseconds away from the ground. I'm currently that fragile. No one will ever understand......

Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now

Take time to realize
I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize
This could all pass you by
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized

We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but

It's not the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other

Just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Realize

Another thing passes by and another thing learned from the blunders......

Orientation was finally done last night. And its time to hit the books asap. Got only 9 weeks left to study everything. That excludes pbl n csu -.- So feedback on orientation this year. Hmm.... Lets start with the juniors. Maybe its just me but i think that the juniors this year are so much pampered. They say the M1** batch are always the most fun ones. The tradition broke down this year i guess. Back in my time, i can tell that all of us were very much enthusiastic about orientation. Maybe its becuz it was conducted differently this year? Back then it was all ragging n apple polishing but now its gonna be lame stuff like ' whoever gets me a cup of water 1st gets my signature! '.......

I strongly think that orientation should be about ragging. Not so that they earn respect for us seniors n all but mainly to make them realize, that if you want something, you'll have to put more effort in it. Dont just say you want it, act it out. P.S YOU'RE IN MED SCHOOL NOOB!! Last night, some junior actually come to me to get my signature. And you know very clearly how things are suppose to be, I need to know your whole group before I even give you my sig...The fact that you came to me, taking advantage of the time and place really reflects how you and your whole group think. That particular group didnt deserved my signature at all. Not even half of them was there. I never thought about it that time though I had a feeling that i shouldnt be giving it out like that. Anyways I agreed to just give it to him. And guess what? I ALREADY SIGNED THAT FREAKING PAPER!!!! Signature hunt is kinda like ice breakers- intro between juniors and seniors. So it shows that the fella didnt get the objective of this whole thing. Being so kiasu and focusing on winning. So what if you turned out the winner? You'll feel more privileged? You do get more bragging rights but if you didnt get the main point of the whole thing then i brand you the winner amongst all losers.

So that was the juniors flaw. Another flaw would be the OOs. I dont really have much info or right to discuss bout it but I somehow feel like some of the OOs were not taking this orientation seriously. Its actually proven too. Treasure hunt was already a train on its way to collision. To make it worst some OOs actually accelerated this by not following rules, skipping stations, forcing their way thru, not reading the booklet, etc etc.....Should OOs be interviewed for the next orientation? During variety night, multimedia had a hell of a time dealing with the audio and pics from groups. Fact is, many of the committee members including me contacted most of the OOs about this matter. So why were they given only 10 minutes before every performance? That will be explained in the next flaw....

Finally, the orientation committee. Most probably the biggest flaw of all and to be on par with the juniors level of 'flawness'. Firstly, the our flaws are mostly due to bad timing, improper selection of posts and severe lack of communication. The committee was selected in the wrong time. We were naive and immature about joining the committee. Well I dont think i wanna address it to everyone but this is how i personally dubbed myself as a committee member.

I constructed a plan for TH with the core point that it must be different from everything else since the main element of orientation was no longer allowed. I was ambitious and wanted to make TH compensate for the that void this orientation had. TH after all is the second most fun event. I always knew that there would be unforeseen mistakes and problems. I took measures too. But what I didnt see, was that this plan, can never work ,becuz i was doing it alone. I never intended to do it alone. Its just that my partner didnt see it the way i did. I dont blame him cuz his argument has its good points. But it came too late. Changing the whole thing would mean a waste of time and effort for me and its not that my plan was completely complex and hard. It would have been easier and interesting if I had enough time and help. But at that moment, handling the whole thing alone was the only option. Yes I could have formed my own help crew to deal with my plans. But that would only be disrespecting my partner and i would never want that to happen. My ego played a part in this as well so i have no right to blame him or say that he wasnt doing his job. Thankfully he did helped out with the parts which he agreed on. It wasnt much but at least he helped. In the end, as I feared, there was a lot of flaws in my planning. But those were greatly minimized thx to the whole committee that relentlessly help me out. I appreciate it a lot. Thank you.

All in all, orientation was fun and successful. This applies to the juniors who has no prior experiences and those who who wanna think so. But to me, i personally think it wasnt such a big success as it is. Everything went according to plan most of the times but there is a lot more room for improvements. We are no professionals. We learn anatomy, biochem, immunology, etc etc....Though the expectations were high, I think this was the best we could have pulled out having given all these time constrains and limits. So...... ....... ........it wasnt that bad la :P

" I do,
Cherish you.
For the rest of my life,
You dont have to think twice.
And I will,
Love you still.
From the depths of my soul,
Its beyond my control,
I've waited so long,
To say this to you........

If you're asking do I love you this much,
I do. "

If your ever insecure, remember this :) Trust in the words I once said. Things will turn out fine. I promise.

Cant sleep......so just thought I blog a little till I get sleepy. Well so far chinese new year has been relaxing. Well its not really fun even though I enjoyed it so far. It just feel like every other year lo. Like the usual reunion dinner on the 6th. This year is at the One World, 1 utama. Its the normal 8 dish banquet though this year's dinner is slightly better compared to the previous ones.

One World Hotel

The fountain in the middle of the hotel

Me and my cousin can never sit still. So we travel about to see around.....

This is an open beautiful open area of the hotel. Just trees and water around the garden like place. Has that zen feeling about it. A nice place to just hang out with friends and chill.

Fresh fish straight from the waters was my favourites.This one is really good. But the thing is the poor sea horse has to be sacrificed for it.

Its not edible. It just to give some flavor to the soup. Although its good for health, if I had a choice I'll rather not take this meal on the menu cuz the amount of seahorses left in the world are limited. And its not even edible.....wasting its life only just to give us that 1o minutes of tastebud stimulus is rather sad. Boycotting sea horse sup now.....

This wan I'm not boycotting :P got more then enough in the sea adi. So eating it is my duty to make sure the biological balance in the sea is maintained. yeap yeap......

opened 2 bottles of white wine. Both of it are really good. This one is more oaky than the other.

Bleh it tasted somewhat the same wan actually. Just a little different oni. But I prefered this in the end. Its less oaky but more acidic. Suitable for eating with red meat:)

On the first day of cny, I did the normal drills. Wake up early, bathe then go serve tea to my parents for my angpows, then go visit relatives(collect even more incomes :P) etc etc......CNY this year is somewhat dull. There was no fireworks on the first day itself. I can literally sleep on the roads of kl, pj and damansara. Its so silent. Well yea, everyone would have balik kampung. That explained the empty roads. But no fireworks?? On the first day itself?? Usually when the clock strikes 12 you'll hear the high pitch sounds of rockets and the popping noises of the firecrackers. This year its so quiet. Think the chinese are scared the noises from the firecrackers will scare the rats out of their houses kua?? :P

Nonetheless, me and my cousins will always find ways to spice things up with the standard boring fireworks. Today itself we've created:

1. ORANGE BOMB------We basically stuff the mancis type of firecrackers into the orange then let its blow up into a pulp. Fast way to get orange juice :) The stunt of lighting the firecracker would require great skills(me) and a shield(to block the orange bits from bombarding ur face).
2. ORANGE ROCKET---Think you can figure this out la. Its just stuffing the rocket type firecracker into the orange and see it fly sky high. We started out with just 1 orange, 1 rocket. This one proved that Newton's law on gravity is indisputable. The OR just fired up but remained static on the platform and burst. The first thing that came to me was "Houston, we have a problem". SO... we took a smaller orange(like 1 1/2 times bigger than a limau) and to make sure there will be enough lift to go up, we mount 2 more rockets at the back :) However despite the perfectly engineered prototype, it didnt really gain much lift(flu like less then 1 meter oni). But it did managed to bring in the orange rain :)
3. ALTERNATIVES-----Me and my cousin was drinking beer when we played this. We had like 3 types of firecrackers(thanks to the stupid people who dunno how to play them properly). 1 of them are the sparklers which is basically insignificant to us(we just use them as torches to light up the other fireworks), mancis types and rocket types. Not much combinations left. So we thought we called it a day but as we cleaned up, both of us was staring at the empty beer can.So yea...y not blow it up. Its gonna be disposed pretty soon regardless of its condition anyways. So yea, now we have 2 more versions of the orange rockets and bombs :P Sadly this 1 is too heavy to bring it the rain of booze.....

Well that about it so far. Will be going to Seremban today in the next 3 hours then to Genting on saturday and sunday then uni will start on monday adi. Haiz.....Time to start back studying. Ish........Hope everyone enjoyed their holidays and Happy Chinese New Year, Gong Xi Fai Chai to everyone :)

Democracy? Not here......

why?

CUZ THIS IS SPARTA!!!!

Random post......this is basically the only fun time during spring cleaning:P Thank god its finally over.

With no hesitation and calmness like the wind, swing once the sword to determine the results by being as smooth as flowing water. wtf?

I think 2008 has something against me. The end of 2007 is already the beginning of many unfortunate events for me and things dont really seem to improve like how i expect it would. Maybe its just the phase of entering into adulthood. This is, just the first year of being in the twenties. Long time close friends have been disperse far away to continue their studies. And when they come back, I dont really get to hang out with them much. Then things gets further and further between each other as times goes by. When we start working it'll be even harder to keep up. Haiz... Miss those days when we were in high school. The fun we had is really priceless to me now.

I remembered how we used to ponteng the next class after P.J just to join our friends from the other classes to join their P.J session(which was after ours). All the stupid things we've ever done like playing with pens on the desk, chi-ku-pak, running out from English class, making noise(my class was above the school's office), etc etc. These are the things that may never be done together again. I mean we could gather up at a mamak and take our pens out and start playing like before but then again its highly unlikely. Although now we do have new ways of having fun, I still prefer the old ways:) I dunno....Its just so nostalgic. Irreplaceable. And at times.....better than drinking games:P

I think I know why I'm feeling like this. Its actually my first holiday which I dont really have much fun things to do. All these times, my holidays are either spent waking up at 12pm, lazing around, hanging out,then come back eat and then surf the net till 5 the next morning or working. But now I cant be sleeping at 5am(its 3 am adi tho:P) or neither can I laze around. I have to wake up at 10 at least then study then sleep early for the next day. And when it comes to the designated period which I like to call 'rest time', there is virtually no one to enjoy with. I've been playing basketball with either myself or with my juniors from high school for a while now. As much as I enjoy basketball, its not as fun as playing with the usual click. I hate changes but I dont blame them. I shouldnt. Its me who needs to start being independent.

I foresee 2008 being a harsh year for me. I am the type that needs time to really get use to things. I currently have not gotten used to the way I am suppose to live my life now but it is somewhat better then last year. Things are starting to seem clear to me now. What are my priorities and how to establish equilibrium with all of the priorities. Certain habits have to go if I wanna survive this current life of mine. For the time being, I just need a hobby. These are the criteria for it ( nah I know some people dont care. I just wanna put it up anyways)

• preferably done alone so that if i ever have no 1 to waste time with, I can just do it alone and still enjoy it:)
• if possible, I want something which can increase my level of concentration, alertness, stamina, and discipline( believe me I really lack these)
• it should be cheap :P tho i dun mind spending some amount of cash as long as its satisfactory. But the cheaper the better. (this sentence sounds really wrong -_-; )
  
• something I could never get bored with even tho the pattern of the activity is always the same.
  
• it can be something new or something i've done before.
• ideal time for activity should be around 4-7. Cuz my rest times is usually at these hours. Am too used to my childhood hours ;)

So that eliminates basketball, foosball, lepaking, dota, drinking alcohol, and surfing the net. What I think could fulfill the criterias are cooking(gonna need to know it sooner or later), drawing(i used to draw manga alot but have stopped since college), running(have much interest in this but the problem is, I'm already a bad of bones), archery(yea! i always wanted to do archery. Me and kit was suppose to take over Taylor's archery club but then you know, college days must be enjoyed:) this has the highest potential. Thing is.....where to shoot all those arrows*stares at me sis**smirk*) and lastly, building gundams again (the two things i used to be obsessed with. Gundams and anime. Those days are already very far behind me. But building gundams are for life:) if i do start this again, I'll start off by learning how to paint 1 using the airbrush 1st).

Well all these is under the assumption that i can find the equilibrium of all priorities la. Hope i find it soon. Now its just me and my cvs. Nites..........