Sunday, October 18, 2009

Torsades de Pointes

Once again...
I draw in close,
Despite roughly knowing this terrain,
And where it goes.

Why such foolish behaviour,
Why such foolish thoughts,
Why chose a path where not many can save ya,
And render you ending up with the rots.

But even after all that,
Why do you think I'm still here?
I tried to back off and stay back,
Instead I persevere.

I hope you dont feel like I'm fishing here,
Reeling up and throwing the line back,
Cause that would be the wrong concept my dear,
For my doings and for my acts.

I still see your shadow at times,
Sometimes nearby,
Sometimes out of reach,
This big mountain my body climbs,
Though I feel that I could die,
from it,
I know that nothing is without a glitch.

And maybe that is why I've not changed,
And why I didnt stray off,
And so I still keep within range,
And hope that we would start off,

Back at where we stopped,
And from where we parted.
And now I'm reading this whole thing right from the top,
In my mind I'm going like ' Damn I'm retarded.'

Cuz instead of studying now,
Or reading up on my stuff,
I'm actually making this poem of how,
I'm feeling of late and laugh.

But back to the topic,
Of my stupidity,
Which is something I know is chronic,
Because I still do it even though I can see clearly.

God knows whats happening,
Or whats gonna happen,
It doesnt matter if the outcomes are saddening,
As I'm prepared for the least this very second.

Trust is something that needs to be earned,
Loyalty and commitment is something that I seek,
And because I know that I might get burned,
The threshold for these criteria would be higher in Cheek.





Sunday, September 27, 2009

Balik dari kampung T.T

Not really in the mood to blog but well, theres nothign much to do anyways...The net is always slow when i'm back in subang(damned maxis 3g would be freaking useful if its bandwidth is not influenced by the amount of clouds precipitating above my house >:( ) so.....wazzuppp??

Initially i kinda thought that this holiday i'd be driving up n down to places maybe like cameron, genting, or maybe ipoh; just to jalan jalan but then i held that thought back cuz i wanted to study? well procrastinating is really a big issue for me.....but anyways, its not like it'd be fun oso cuz the highways will all be jammed up due to raya break(supporting text) plus my parents has 4 days off and that i made a point to stay & spend sometime(credible supporting text) with them. Maybe cuz i was guilty of overspending during my first month in seremban?(and its not even at the end of the month yet :O still not sure how that 1 happened.. )

so...stayed at home,played ps2 after a very very long absence in the gaming world, lepaking, drinking, playing bball, playing bball after drinking, found a new 'fun' thing to do, no l4d-missed the session wit the guys but i did played cs though & i can still pawn ur asses ppl :D, cooking, drinking, and many more la....the main point is that the stuff i did, well its very insignificant and non beneficial. Really felt like a waste of time. Was expecting myself to wake up early at 6am, go do some cycling or jogging to enjoy the morning cold air then get a decent breakfast and somehow spent my time productively...... I guess 2 weeks of seremban is not enough to change 10 years of nocturalism =( somehow my home is the only place i get to feel comfy. Not only my house in subang but also the seremban branch as well cuz my bed is there;p So i guess i wont be studying at home often from now on. Will hit the library after 5 when i'm not on call.

Damn i just realized there is so much things to do which i hv not done & reality starts back on monday!!!

1. Mini CEX. Its just clerking and PE...but i've karated alot and as mention i did not study for this yet. If u see jimbo mentioning bout an incompetent student doctor in his blog or something...chances are u-know-who-la :) yea voldermolt kills ppl in Hogwarts. Its the same thing here except this is in the mudblood's world and it is with a surgical knife or an ECG machine. Sorry, dont know magic....

2. Case reports. I just need my long case....mine are all done till PE...didnt take down the investigations and stuff cuz erm....didnt really thought bout it lol (well yea its kinda hectic to even read mail or go layan fb in those 2 weeks...but somehow made a schedule adi so hopefully no probs in the upcoming weeks)

3. Settling down. Nope i've not really settled down yet. Got the fridge, the water tower, dishes and all, but the house still lacks a table, like there is not table in the common rooms. The only 1 there is now used as like a pantry for us to drink water and place our cups and midnight snacks.

4. Studying. Yeap probably the most important yet seems so not so important to me now(this has to change) I just need to sit my ass on the damn chair, lock the door, burn my incense and get maybe some tea or something, and READDD!!!! I dont forget my stuff easily but it has to be re-enforced at least once to make sure the knowledge makes its way on its journey from my short term memory to my long term one. Key here? No distractions (which is really not easy cuz i've always thought living alone with some frens would be fun...not when ur doing medicine i guess)

5. sleep early. sleeping is no prob once i get back to reality. Its sleeping early and adequate hours of sleep which i lack. And once i get back to seremban, its gonna be the trouble of waking up and staying awake.

K there might be more stuff but those are relatively insignificant. So i'd just leave it now and if it pops into my mind again it'll b here. Well gonna try work on problem number 5 1st then :P uuu the skies' bright adi....

Monday, September 14, 2009

was admitted into the A&E yesterday...chief complain? i had a stomach ache LOL!! amazing how stomach aches can cause such turns of event...well in my life nothing ever seems tiwsted and complex anyways. anyways the explaination was pretty simple yet there is no exact answers to it. Lets see....had the stomach ache which was most probably due to drinking water which was colonized by bacteria and wat not from a new water tower i bought(those which had like a filter made up from stones and minerals and stuff?)...it might even be the silica from the stones which cause the poisoning?? no idea..anyways, so i went on to take medications for stomach pain and diarrhea. However those were taken after i took some chinese stomach meds(po chek yuien).to top it off, i took charcoal after tat.....and tat when everything became like a stack of dominos; everything fell apart. I woke up and was heading to the toilet to pee. I remembered feeling lightheaded like for 2 secs & a slight off balance. Next thing, i was on the floor of the toilet floor not even knowing i fell, as in i had not recollection of how i ended up there!! mum was knocking asking what happened, and i couldnt response as i felt very exhausted and had no voice to speak.head was still light and dazed.didnt saw the tunnel of light tho, so i knew i had to sit up and put my head between my knees to make sure the blood flowed back there. And then i started sweating perfusely...like after playing ball tat kinda wetness. remain calm, once i felt better i rushed to htj(hospital tunku jaafar) to the A&E department. The MA did an ECG and from tat he came out with transient right bundle block +.+ luckily his it was HIS provisional diagnosis. the final diagnosis from the doctors were just nothing found on the ECG and i was just prescribed stomach meds with ors.....been bedridden for 2 day adi with not much options for nutrition.....hope 2 recover asap >.<

Friday, September 4, 2009

A particular event happened few days ago. It made me realized why you were the one back then, even though there were other choices, you were that special 1. And as i think about it, i feel fortunate at times that I've tasted such experience when I am with you. Although now its all looking like a plane crash site now, despite it all, I guess you were worth it. I have fallen and though i know i need to keep my chin up high and hike back up, i feel fatigued. But theres nothing else i can do or say...i think....dunno how would i be able to close this chapter; not sure if this is the time to do so or whether i should let the chapter slowly close itself. But what i do know, is that if it were ever to close, it would have been closed unwillingly. If you do read this, i just want you to be happy. And its the least i can do now.

Friday, May 1, 2009

I'll pay any price to be liberated or be given a path from this torture...it sucks being in the middle when you're not here, not there and have to remain where you are cuz u dun wanna fall back nor do you wanna move forward.

-heal my heart,
  heal my brain,
  boy, how i wish you could fell my pain.-

Monday, February 9, 2009

Tear drops on my guitar playing this

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh... 
Oh oh oh... 

She's starin' at me, 
I'm sittin', wonderin' what she's thinkin'.
Mmmmm
Nobody's talkin', 
'Cause talkin' just turns into screamin'.
Ohhh... 
And now is I'm yellin' over her, 
She's yellin' over me.
All that that means
Is neither of us is listening, 
(And what's even worse).
That we don't even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for... 

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby... 

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain... 
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you), 
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you), 
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no... 

And it gets me upset, girl
When you're constantly accusing.
(Askin' questions like you've already known).
We're fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain't the way that love is supposed to go).

Whoaaaaaaaaa... 
[What happened to workin' it out].
We've falled into this place
Where you ain't backin' down
And I ain't backin' down.

So what the hell do we do now... 
It's all for... 

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby... 

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain... 
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you), 
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you), 
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no... 

Oh baby this love ain't gonna be perfect, 
(Perfect, perfect, oh oh).
And just how good it's gonna be.
We can't fuss and we can't fight
Long as everything alright between us
Before we go to sleep.

Baby, we're gonna be happy.

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain... 
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you), 
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you), 
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...