Seeking the Genesis of a New Meaning to Life

Torsades de Pointes

2009-10-18T01:54:00.003+08:00

Once again...

I draw in close,

Despite roughly knowing this terrain,

And where it goes.

Why such foolish behaviour,

Why such foolish thoughts,

Why chose a path where not many can save ya,

And render you ending up with the rots.

But even after all that,

Why do you think I'm still here?

I tried to back off and stay back,

Instead I persevere.

I hope you dont feel like I'm fishing here,

Reeling up and throwing the line back,

Cause that would be the wrong concept my dear,

For my doings and for my acts.

I still see your shadow at times,

Sometimes nearby,

Sometimes out of reach,

This big mountain my body climbs,

Though I feel that I could die,

from it,

I know that nothing is without a glitch.

And maybe that is why I've not changed,

And why I didnt stray off,

And so I still keep within range,

And hope that we would start off,

Back at where we stopped,

And from where we parted.

And now I'm reading this whole thing right from the top,

In my mind I'm going like ' Damn I'm retarded.'

Cuz instead of studying now,

Or reading up on my stuff,

I'm actually making this poem of how,

I'm feeling of late and laugh.

But back to the topic,

Of my stupidity,

Which is something I know is chronic,

Because I still do it even though I can see clearly.

God knows whats happening,

Or whats gonna happen,

It doesnt matter if the outcomes are saddening,

As I'm prepared for the least this very second.

Trust is something that needs to be earned,

Loyalty and commitment is something that I seek,

And because I know that I might get burned,

The threshold for these criteria would be higher in Cheek.

Balik dari kampung T.T

2009-09-27T05:50:00.003+08:00

Not really in the mood to blog but well, theres nothign much to do anyways...The net is always slow when i'm back in subang(damned maxis 3g would be freaking useful if its bandwidth is not influenced by the amount of clouds precipitating above my house >:( ) so.....wazzuppp??

Initially i kinda thought that this holiday i'd be driving up n down to places maybe like cameron, genting, or maybe ipoh; just to jalan jalan but then i held that thought back cuz i wanted to study? well procrastinating is really a big issue for me.....but anyways, its not like it'd be fun oso cuz the highways will all be jammed up due to raya break(supporting text) plus my parents has 4 days off and that i made a point to stay & spend sometime(credible supporting text) with them. Maybe cuz i was guilty of overspending during my first month in seremban?(and its not even at the end of the month yet :O still not sure how that 1 happened.. )

so...stayed at home,played ps2 after a very very long absence in the gaming world, lepaking, drinking, playing bball, playing bball after drinking, found a new 'fun' thing to do, no l4d-missed the session wit the guys but i did played cs though & i can still pawn ur asses ppl :D, cooking, drinking, and many more la....the main point is that the stuff i did, well its very insignificant and non beneficial. Really felt like a waste of time. Was expecting myself to wake up early at 6am, go do some cycling or jogging to enjoy the morning cold air then get a decent breakfast and somehow spent my time productively...... I guess 2 weeks of seremban is not enough to change 10 years of nocturalism =( somehow my home is the only place i get to feel comfy. Not only my house in subang but also the seremban branch as well cuz my bed is there;p So i guess i wont be studying at home often from now on. Will hit the library after 5 when i'm not on call.

Damn i just realized there is so much things to do which i hv not done & reality starts back on monday!!!

1. Mini CEX. Its just clerking and PE...but i've karated alot and as mention i did not study for this yet. If u see jimbo mentioning bout an incompetent student doctor in his blog or something...chances are u-know-who-la :) yea voldermolt kills ppl in Hogwarts. Its the same thing here except this is in the mudblood's world and it is with a surgical knife or an ECG machine. Sorry, dont know magic....

2. Case reports. I just need my long case....mine are all done till PE...didnt take down the investigations and stuff cuz erm....didnt really thought bout it lol (well yea its kinda hectic to even read mail or go layan fb in those 2 weeks...but somehow made a schedule adi so hopefully no probs in the upcoming weeks)

3. Settling down. Nope i've not really settled down yet. Got the fridge, the water tower, dishes and all, but the house still lacks a table, like there is not table in the common rooms. The only 1 there is now used as like a pantry for us to drink water and place our cups and midnight snacks.

4. Studying. Yeap probably the most important yet seems so not so important to me now(this has to change) I just need to sit my ass on the damn chair, lock the door, burn my incense and get maybe some tea or something, and READDD!!!! I dont forget my stuff easily but it has to be re-enforced at least once to make sure the knowledge makes its way on its journey from my short term memory to my long term one. Key here? No distractions (which is really not easy cuz i've always thought living alone with some frens would be fun...not when ur doing medicine i guess)

5. sleep early. sleeping is no prob once i get back to reality. Its sleeping early and adequate hours of sleep which i lack. And once i get back to seremban, its gonna be the trouble of waking up and staying awake.

K there might be more stuff but those are relatively insignificant. So i'd just leave it now and if it pops into my mind again it'll b here. Well gonna try work on problem number 5 1st then :P uuu the skies' bright adi....

2009-09-14T22:47:00.004+08:00

was admitted into the A&E yesterday...chief complain? i had a stomach ache LOL!! amazing how stomach aches can cause such turns of event...well in my life nothing ever seems tiwsted and complex anyways. anyways the explaination was pretty simple yet there is no exact answers to it. Lets see....had the stomach ache which was most probably due to drinking water which was colonized by bacteria and wat not from a new water tower i bought(those which had like a filter made up from stones and minerals and stuff?)...it might even be the silica from the stones which cause the poisoning?? no idea..anyways, so i went on to take medications for stomach pain and diarrhea. However those were taken after i took some chinese stomach meds(po chek yuien).to top it off, i took charcoal after tat.....and tat when everything became like a stack of dominos; everything fell apart. I woke up and was heading to the toilet to pee. I remembered feeling lightheaded like for 2 secs & a slight off balance. Next thing, i was on the floor of the toilet floor not even knowing i fell, as in i had not recollection of how i ended up there!! mum was knocking asking what happened, and i couldnt response as i felt very exhausted and had no voice to speak.head was still light and dazed.didnt saw the tunnel of light tho, so i knew i had to sit up and put my head between my knees to make sure the blood flowed back there. And then i started sweating perfusely...like after playing ball tat kinda wetness. remain calm, once i felt better i rushed to htj(hospital tunku jaafar) to the A&E department. The MA did an ECG and from tat he came out with transient right bundle block +.+ luckily his it was HIS provisional diagnosis. the final diagnosis from the doctors were just nothing found on the ECG and i was just prescribed stomach meds with ors.....been bedridden for 2 day adi with not much options for nutrition.....hope 2 recover asap >.<

2009-09-04T18:37:00.003+08:00

A particular event happened few days ago. It made me realized why you were the one back then, even though there were other choices, you were that special 1. And as i think about it, i feel fortunate at times that I've tasted such experience when I am with you. Although now its all looking like a plane crash site now, despite it all, I guess you were worth it. I have fallen and though i know i need to keep my chin up high and hike back up, i feel fatigued. But theres nothing else i can do or say...i think....dunno how would i be able to close this chapter; not sure if this is the time to do so or whether i should let the chapter slowly close itself. But what i do know, is that if it were ever to close, it would have been closed unwillingly. If you do read this, i just want you to be happy. And its the least i can do now.

2009-05-01T21:17:00.002+08:00

I'll pay any price to be liberated or be given a path from this torture...it sucks being in the middle when you're not here, not there and have to remain where you are cuz u dun wanna fall back nor do you wanna move forward.

-heal my heart,

heal my brain,

boy, how i wish you could fell my pain.-

Tear drops on my guitar playing this

2009-02-09T01:35:00.001+08:00

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh...
Oh oh oh...

She's starin' at me,
I'm sittin', wonderin' what she's thinkin'.
Mmmmm
Nobody's talkin',
'Cause talkin' just turns into screamin'.
Ohhh...
And now is I'm yellin' over her,
She's yellin' over me.
All that that means
Is neither of us is listening,
(And what's even worse).
That we don't even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for...

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

And it gets me upset, girl
When you're constantly accusing.
(Askin' questions like you've already known).
We're fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain't the way that love is supposed to go).

Whoaaaaaaaaa...
[What happened to workin' it out].
We've falled into this place
Where you ain't backin' down
And I ain't backin' down.

So what the hell do we do now...
It's all for...

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

Oh baby this love ain't gonna be perfect,
(Perfect, perfect, oh oh).
And just how good it's gonna be.
We can't fuss and we can't fight
Long as everything alright between us
Before we go to sleep.

Baby, we're gonna be happy.

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

Medical complications seems much more easier now.....

2009-02-02T03:29:00.001+08:00

2009-01-25T04:38:00.002+08:00

'i'm the one who wants you more than anything
you don't feel the same way; you made it clear to me
but i'll stand my ground and maybe
you'll hear what i've been sayin
after all i've said and all i've done'

the descendents

2009-01-20T00:19:00.001+08:00

blog updated

2009-01-17T13:34:00.001+08:00

blog updated

2008-12-21T05:01:00.002+08:00

'goo goo dolls - before its too late'

I wonder through fiction to look for the truth

Buried beneath all the lies

And I stood at a distance

To feel who you are

Hiding myself in your eyes

And hold on before it's too late

We'll run til we leave this behind

Don't fall just be who you are

It's all that we need in our lives

And the risk that might break you

Is the one that would save

A life you dont live is still lost

So stand on the edge with me

Hold back your fear and see

Nothing is real til it's gone

Hold on before its too late

We'll run til we leave this behind

Don't fall just be who you are

It's all that we need in our lives

So live like you mean it

Love til you feel it

It's all that we need in our lives

So stand on the edge with me

Hold back your fear and see

Nothing is real til it's gone

And hold on before its too late

We'll run til we leave this behind

Don't fall just be who you are

It's all that we need in our lives

And hold on before its too late

We'll run til we leave this behind

Don't fall just be who you are

It's all that we need in our lives

It's all that I need in my life

2008-12-08T02:10:00.001+08:00

2008-12-08T01:19:00.015+08:00

This new symbols are those where i can keep my thoughts original n true. They are indeed the link between those who do care and are willing to find out more. The bridge between patience and the inner mind. For they who seek, will find. Its the sanctuary, the nirvana, the Moksah, heaven for the beholder of the other side.

2008-11-25T03:37:00.001+08:00

The Meaning

To love is to share life together
to build special plans just for two
to work side by side
and then smile with pride
as one by one, dreams all come true.

To love is to help and encourage
with smiles and sincere words of praise
to take time to share
to listen and care
in tender, affectionate ways.

To love is to have someone special
one who you can always depend
to be there through the years
sharing laughter and tears
as a partner, a lover, a friend.

To love is to make special memories
of moments you love to recall
of all the good things
that sharing life brings
love is the greatest of all.

I've learned the full meaning
of sharing and caring
and having my dreams all come true;
I've learned the full meaning
of being in love
by being and loving with you.

- Kellie Spehn -

2008-10-30T00:43:00.002+08:00

this blog will be underconstruction........new facelift and features will be up soon.......finals in 2 week, so much more to blog then.......but for now its nerd mode for the next 14 days

7 days of lessons

2008-07-04T04:17:00.005+08:00

No doubt that the end of EOS brought me great relieve. All the tension was swept away the very moment I knew that its over for the time being. The tense pre-eos me is really something I'd wanna go thru anymore but I guess no point fretting bout it? The results are final after all.......

DAY 1----- Had lunch at Along's. Best laksa around OUG apparently? Though my stomach was actually filled up with all the acids inside due to over stress manipulation, the sourness of the laksa didnt really matter no more. Got the GI upset very much later though. Played some ball after that. Its becoming like ritual that after exams, I tend to just grab a ball and go shoot some hoops. Was nice playing after sometime. Celebrated the night at Luna Bar:) Wasnt much of a celebration 4 me though. Why? Ordered some concoction which was made up of 3 distinct liquor glasses ; martini,shot and wine. There was like 4 steps to actually drink it -.-

poolside view

1. The Sambuca in a wine glass is flamed. Wait for approximately 30 secs.
2. Next pour the flamed liquor in to the midori lemon filled martini glass.
3. Upon pouring, use a straw to start sucking the concoction up.
4. When the mixture is about to finish, add in the last shot of cointreau.
5. Watch 30 bux fly away in 5 sec......

wheres my glass? not there.......finished even b4 they all started...

So while everyone was sipping and enjoying the drinks which was very much bigger and tasteful than mine, I was starting to get high(lack of sleep from exams + alcohol shots) and didnt really cared much except for lying down on the nice comfy couches. Blowed another 30 bux on some small pizza........After sending my frens back home went to Tanjung for a bite with doggy:P And if memory serves right, think I saw russia vs spain tat day.......Back home at 5.

view from the rooftop

DAY 2----- Woke up at 830. Adventure club organized a paintball session that friday. Arrived at Chui Munn's just to find her still pigging. And to add a little more twist to the senario as god really likes playing with my sad life, her phone wasnt in her room and neither me nor li yen had her house number. But luckily we were able to get it somehow. Late for about 15 minutes?

Played paintball at 1030. Nothing much, usual routines except for the fact that we had like 24 ppl on 1 field. I have never played paintball in such a huge scale b4. It really felt just like Iraq. You're afraid of getting shot at and if I were to just merely stand up, my large surface area would just made me target practice. Not to mention that there was only 4 bunkers which was tall enough to hide my head when I'm crouching:P We played capture the flag all the way. I kinda forgot bout the flag at 1 stage. Was trying to shoot the enemy that was shooting vigorously at my bunker. We were suppose to knock down 2 bottles to the right before we can proceed to capturing the flag. Somehow our bottles never hit the sack despite getting shot a few times by many of the bottle-shooters division. The other team won thanx to DY who was literally a cockroach. Can seem to gun him down even though every1 aimed at him. All in all got shot at the back of my shoulder(scapula) and multiple hits on my chest from standing up and rushing to the bunker. Won once lost twice.

The finals is here but no its not EOS( shows how much u've been paying attention). EURO FINALS! Not much fan of football but then when it comes to events like this I'd just shout and cheer with the rest of the guys when he(from any team) misses a shot on goal. Back at home at 5 again. At this point I was awake for more then 24 hrs. WOOHOOO

DAY 3----- sleep......nothing much. Went back to seremban to celebrate my grandma's bday. Pics are in the cam. Dun have the program installed into my laptop so will be posting the aftermath of the party instead....the massive roti tissue:P

what will I do without mamak? This roti tissue is bout 1 m long as you can see. It not like any normal roti tissue. This 1 somehow has condense milk on it and is somewat coated with caramel.

DAY 4-----sleep........

DAY 5----- Went for movie marathon. Watched wanted and kungfu panda. The verdict? Both were nice shows. But i'm not the type that dig shows with too much physics defying moves. Still think that the apple drops down due to gravity:) and that heart beat over 400x/ minute is something we call tachycardia which always leads to death:) not shooting of the wings of a fly:P Panda could afford all those whacky and irrelevant scenes cuz its animated. Gosh we all know that anything can happen in the animated world rite?? Though having a goose as ur dad while ur a panda......still cant over look that. Anyways it turned out to be a great day:)

Then went to play some ball with the guys back at court subang. Everything was fun till a turn of events occured.

My sis got a call from 1 of her fren(whos brother is one of my good frens) at about 1030. At that time it was only a news which had no lead to what has actually happened. Then at 12am, all doubts and hearsays were cleared.

DAY 6----- It was confirmed that my frens dad had passed away insidiously due to heat problems. It was something unforeseen for everybody. There were no symptoms nor signs that his dad was suffering from a heart disease. In the text books I guess we med students call this sudden cardiac death. Though I'm uncertain of the real cause as I didnt read the autopsy report. With little to do, me and wej was only able to spread the news to the rest of the guys and be there for him and his family at their times of grief till the funeral procession which is about 5 hrs from now.

DAY 7----- Was wondering the night b4 whether I should have canceled my sunway lagoon trip on wednesday as at that moment I just dont think that I should be enjoying myself. But in the end the trip was canceled last minute which was quite a god send. It was mum's bday. So basically used the whole day trying to figure out what would be a decent gift for her 54th birthday with my sis. Mum didnt want a cake as she didnt wanna celebrate when there is people mourning(yes my family is quite close to the family of the deceased)

Went to visit my fren and his family at night. Talked bout the past when we were back in primary and secondary school. All the stupidest things we ever did, all the nice fond memories we shared. I'm quite happy to see him laughing at times again. Although I can see that deep down inside he was still quite sad but then he has somehow accepted it. I'm not trying to make him not feel sad but just trying to convey the message that life goes on. Its irresponsible at times to do so. I afterall have never gone thru such a situation but I think it was something right to do nonetheless.

DAY 8----- Went out for a movie with wej and chee kit. Yes, he came back:) The movie line was kinda congested. It was basically divided into 2 sides, blockbuster n non- blockbuster. The blockbuster line was almost like JCO's in pyramid. We kinda gave up hope on watching Hancock at that moment cuz by the time we reached the counter Hancock would have been sold out. And you would have wasted 30 minutes. So we kinda thought that another movie will do. So there I was walking in the empty non-blockbuster line. Took me like a 1 minute wait. And at the counter I kinda thought I'd give it a try, "Can i get the Hancock tickets here?" We ended up seeing,well, Hancock:)

Now this is more like my kinda movie. It has its sense of mystery and that twist in plot which I just fail to detect(ok I did somehow knew there was a relationship between will smith and the heroine). Its 1 of those movies which gets you thinking that the main theme of the movie is bout the stuff that the main actor is related to(superhero in this case) and stuff but turns out very differently towards the climax. Wont spoil the story you you readers if you havent watch it yet but I'd just wanna say that I'd do the same thing John Hancock would have done. Feels like s reflection at times:P

Then visited my fren again till 1. Went to grab a bite at the mamak and here I am now blogging. Tomorrow is the funeral and it just might be mine too depending on my results.........god I hope everything goes well... >.<

Life so far.....

2008-05-20T01:17:00.005+08:00

intermedical games : basketball

lunch time

the confidence showed here meant that we were quite sure we secured gold. ahuh.

carnation=admiration , lilies=pure and unsullied. enuf said

enlightenment

old man's game. but i like it :P

mirror image of the initial D poster no? :p

fun times

terrorist took over IMU's premises

matt wertz -- 5:19

" i'd be lying through my teeth if i told you....
that i'm ok
july came i thought i had it all together till you said,
i need some space.
truth be told its so hard to wait

one eye on the clock ,
and one on the phone .
its 5:19 ,
i'm feeling alone.
if i could talk to you.
i'd want you to know,
i'm holding loose
but aint letting go...."

david cook -- always be my baby

" we were as one babe,
for a moment in time.
and it seemed everlasting,
that you would always be mine.
now you want to be free,
so I'm letting you fly.
cause i know in my heart babe,
our love will never die, no

i ain't gonna cry, no
nor would i beg you to stay.
if you're determined to leave girl,
i will not stand in your way.
but then inevitably you'll be back again,
cause ya know in your heart babe,
our love will never end, no "

At this very moment....

2008-04-26T06:05:00.003+08:00

Is it wrong to have wat u want at times? Y does this life of mine turn out to be so complicated when the complications are in the end things of trivial matter? Nothing has been going towards my favor. Is it so hard to just get some freedom? Coming back at 4 is late i know but that is not the issue here is it? Y must u think tat i'm just using this house as a hotel? How often do i even hang out wit frens anymore? I dun come back late from uni playing games and wasting time. I'm actually STUDYING for God's sake......All i wan is to live my life my way. Y must you conquer every aspect of me? I've gave you almost everything i had. I let you decide my future profession, endure every single sec doing hard and complex mathematical problem. You said dun go out.I never fought back. I let you control the whole of me just to make you comfortable so y is it tat i cant get wat i want? Y must u associate things which are not even linked with the prob? Is this your method of teaching? Cuz really i find it flawed to be autocratic. I tried to compromise. But you just dont want to. I gave all i have. But you just cant see me as someone who means no harm and that i would never betray you. I gave everything i can to make you comfortable but at times it really seems as tho things are just goin 1 way. You dont c it the way i do. And it saddens me cuz you were the one who mentioned tat its the family which comes 1st. Somehow i just dun feel like i'm a part of it being treated this way. I did everything to earn your trust but you just cant see me for who i am. You dun respect me for who i am. And i no matter wat know that my role is not to question this. To be filial. In the end, you win the game but you won it becuz you had the advantage and tat i was just soft and understanding. You've robbed me of my dreams and passions. Nothing has changed and it will not unless you wanna gimme a chance.

I'm rarely like this. I recover almost instantly and come back to rationality. But right now, just right now.......I feel like a piece of glass falling at terminal velocity towards the concrete ground. In fact i;m just a few miliseconds away from the ground. I'm currently that fragile. No one will ever understand......

2008-03-22T21:01:00.004+08:00

Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now

Take time to realize
I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize
This could all pass you by
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized

We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but

It's not the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other

Just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Realize

Another thing passes by and another thing learned from the blunders......

2008-03-16T15:28:00.005+08:00

Orientation was finally done last night. And its time to hit the books asap. Got only 9 weeks left to study everything. That excludes pbl n csu -.- So feedback on orientation this year. Hmm.... Lets start with the juniors. Maybe its just me but i think that the juniors this year are so much pampered. They say the M1** batch are always the most fun ones. The tradition broke down this year i guess. Back in my time, i can tell that all of us were very much enthusiastic about orientation. Maybe its becuz it was conducted differently this year? Back then it was all ragging n apple polishing but now its gonna be lame stuff like ' whoever gets me a cup of water 1st gets my signature! '.......

I strongly think that orientation should be about ragging. Not so that they earn respect for us seniors n all but mainly to make them realize, that if you want something, you'll have to put more effort in it. Dont just say you want it, act it out. P.S YOU'RE IN MED SCHOOL NOOB!! Last night, some junior actually come to me to get my signature. And you know very clearly how things are suppose to be, I need to know your whole group before I even give you my sig...The fact that you came to me, taking advantage of the time and place really reflects how you and your whole group think. That particular group didnt deserved my signature at all. Not even half of them was there. I never thought about it that time though I had a feeling that i shouldnt be giving it out like that. Anyways I agreed to just give it to him. And guess what? I ALREADY SIGNED THAT FREAKING PAPER!!!! Signature hunt is kinda like ice breakers- intro between juniors and seniors. So it shows that the fella didnt get the objective of this whole thing. Being so kiasu and focusing on winning. So what if you turned out the winner? You'll feel more privileged? You do get more bragging rights but if you didnt get the main point of the whole thing then i brand you the winner amongst all losers.

So that was the juniors flaw. Another flaw would be the OOs. I dont really have much info or right to discuss bout it but I somehow feel like some of the OOs were not taking this orientation seriously. Its actually proven too. Treasure hunt was already a train on its way to collision. To make it worst some OOs actually accelerated this by not following rules, skipping stations, forcing their way thru, not reading the booklet, etc etc.....Should OOs be interviewed for the next orientation? During variety night, multimedia had a hell of a time dealing with the audio and pics from groups. Fact is, many of the committee members including me contacted most of the OOs about this matter. So why were they given only 10 minutes before every performance? That will be explained in the next flaw....

Finally, the orientation committee. Most probably the biggest flaw of all and to be on par with the juniors level of 'flawness'. Firstly, the our flaws are mostly due to bad timing, improper selection of posts and severe lack of communication. The committee was selected in the wrong time. We were naive and immature about joining the committee. Well I dont think i wanna address it to everyone but this is how i personally dubbed myself as a committee member.

I constructed a plan for TH with the core point that it must be different from everything else since the main element of orientation was no longer allowed. I was ambitious and wanted to make TH compensate for the that void this orientation had. TH after all is the second most fun event. I always knew that there would be unforeseen mistakes and problems. I took measures too. But what I didnt see, was that this plan, can never work ,becuz i was doing it alone. I never intended to do it alone. Its just that my partner didnt see it the way i did. I dont blame him cuz his argument has its good points. But it came too late. Changing the whole thing would mean a waste of time and effort for me and its not that my plan was completely complex and hard. It would have been easier and interesting if I had enough time and help. But at that moment, handling the whole thing alone was the only option. Yes I could have formed my own help crew to deal with my plans. But that would only be disrespecting my partner and i would never want that to happen. My ego played a part in this as well so i have no right to blame him or say that he wasnt doing his job. Thankfully he did helped out with the parts which he agreed on. It wasnt much but at least he helped. In the end, as I feared, there was a lot of flaws in my planning. But those were greatly minimized thx to the whole committee that relentlessly help me out. I appreciate it a lot. Thank you.

All in all, orientation was fun and successful. This applies to the juniors who has no prior experiences and those who who wanna think so. But to me, i personally think it wasnt such a big success as it is. Everything went according to plan most of the times but there is a lot more room for improvements. We are no professionals. We learn anatomy, biochem, immunology, etc etc....Though the expectations were high, I think this was the best we could have pulled out having given all these time constrains and limits. So...... ....... ........it wasnt that bad la :P

2008-02-29T01:16:00.002+08:00

" I do,
Cherish you.
For the rest of my life,
You dont have to think twice.
And I will,
Love you still.
From the depths of my soul,
Its beyond my control,
I've waited so long,
To say this to you........

If you're asking do I love you this much,
I do. "

If your ever insecure, remember this :) Trust in the words I once said. Things will turn out fine. I promise.

2008-02-08T03:58:00.000+08:00

Cant sleep......so just thought I blog a little till I get sleepy. Well so far chinese new year has been relaxing. Well its not really fun even though I enjoyed it so far. It just feel like every other year lo. Like the usual reunion dinner on the 6th. This year is at the One World, 1 utama. Its the normal 8 dish banquet though this year's dinner is slightly better compared to the previous ones.

One World Hotel

The fountain in the middle of the hotel

Me and my cousin can never sit still. So we travel about to see around.....

This is an open beautiful open area of the hotel. Just trees and water around the garden like place. Has that zen feeling about it. A nice place to just hang out with friends and chill.

Fresh fish straight from the waters was my favourites.This one is really good. But the thing is the poor sea horse has to be sacrificed for it.

Its not edible. It just to give some flavor to the soup. Although its good for health, if I had a choice I'll rather not take this meal on the menu cuz the amount of seahorses left in the world are limited. And its not even edible.....wasting its life only just to give us that 1o minutes of tastebud stimulus is rather sad. Boycotting sea horse sup now.....

This wan I'm not boycotting :P got more then enough in the sea adi. So eating it is my duty to make sure the biological balance in the sea is maintained. yeap yeap......

opened 2 bottles of white wine. Both of it are really good. This one is more oaky than the other.

Bleh it tasted somewhat the same wan actually. Just a little different oni. But I prefered this in the end. Its less oaky but more acidic. Suitable for eating with red meat:)

On the first day of cny, I did the normal drills. Wake up early, bathe then go serve tea to my parents for my angpows, then go visit relatives(collect even more incomes :P) etc etc......CNY this year is somewhat dull. There was no fireworks on the first day itself. I can literally sleep on the roads of kl, pj and damansara. Its so silent. Well yea, everyone would have balik kampung. That explained the empty roads. But no fireworks?? On the first day itself?? Usually when the clock strikes 12 you'll hear the high pitch sounds of rockets and the popping noises of the firecrackers. This year its so quiet. Think the chinese are scared the noises from the firecrackers will scare the rats out of their houses kua?? :P

Nonetheless, me and my cousins will always find ways to spice things up with the standard boring fireworks. Today itself we've created:

ORANGE BOMB------We basically stuff the mancis type of firecrackers into the orange then let its blow up into a pulp. Fast way to get orange juice :) The stunt of lighting the firecracker would require great skills(me) and a shield(to block the orange bits from bombarding ur face).
ORANGE ROCKET---Think you can figure this out la. Its just stuffing the rocket type firecracker into the orange and see it fly sky high. We started out with just 1 orange, 1 rocket. This one proved that Newton's law on gravity is indisputable. The OR just fired up but remained static on the platform and burst. The first thing that came to me was "Houston, we have a problem". SO... we took a smaller orange(like 1 1/2 times bigger than a limau) and to make sure there will be enough lift to go up, we mount 2 more rockets at the back :) However despite the perfectly engineered prototype, it didnt really gain much lift(flu like less then 1 meter oni). But it did managed to bring in the orange rain :)
ALTERNATIVES-----Me and my cousin was drinking beer when we played this. We had like 3 types of firecrackers(thanks to the stupid people who dunno how to play them properly). 1 of them are the sparklers which is basically insignificant to us(we just use them as torches to light up the other fireworks), mancis types and rocket types. Not much combinations left. So we thought we called it a day but as we cleaned up, both of us was staring at the empty beer can.So yea...y not blow it up. Its gonna be disposed pretty soon regardless of its condition anyways. So yea, now we have 2 more versions of the orange rockets and bombs :P Sadly this 1 is too heavy to bring it the rain of booze.....

Well that about it so far. Will be going to Seremban today in the next 3 hours then to Genting on saturday and sunday then uni will start on monday adi. Haiz.....Time to start back studying. Ish........Hope everyone enjoyed their holidays and Happy Chinese New Year, Gong Xi Fai Chai to everyone :)

Democracy? Not here......

2008-02-03T19:19:00.000+08:00

why?

CUZ THIS IS SPARTA!!!!

Random post......this is basically the only fun time during spring cleaning:P Thank god its finally over.

With no hesitation and calmness like the wind, swing once the sword to determine the results by being as smooth as flowing water. wtf?

2008-02-03T02:14:00.000+08:00

I think 2008 has something against me. The end of 2007 is already the beginning of many unfortunate events for me and things dont really seem to improve like how i expect it would. Maybe its just the phase of entering into adulthood. This is, just the first year of being in the twenties. Long time close friends have been disperse far away to continue their studies. And when they come back, I dont really get to hang out with them much. Then things gets further and further between each other as times goes by. When we start working it'll be even harder to keep up. Haiz... Miss those days when we were in high school. The fun we had is really priceless to me now.

I remembered how we used to ponteng the next class after P.J just to join our friends from the other classes to join their P.J session(which was after ours). All the stupid things we've ever done like playing with pens on the desk, chi-ku-pak, running out from English class, making noise(my class was above the school's office), etc etc. These are the things that may never be done together again. I mean we could gather up at a mamak and take our pens out and start playing like before but then again its highly unlikely. Although now we do have new ways of having fun, I still prefer the old ways:) I dunno....Its just so nostalgic. Irreplaceable. And at times.....better than drinking games:P

I think I know why I'm feeling like this. Its actually my first holiday which I dont really have much fun things to do. All these times, my holidays are either spent waking up at 12pm, lazing around, hanging out,then come back eat and then surf the net till 5 the next morning or working. But now I cant be sleeping at 5am(its 3 am adi tho:P) or neither can I laze around. I have to wake up at 10 at least then study then sleep early for the next day. And when it comes to the designated period which I like to call 'rest time', there is virtually no one to enjoy with. I've been playing basketball with either myself or with my juniors from high school for a while now. As much as I enjoy basketball, its not as fun as playing with the usual click. I hate changes but I dont blame them. I shouldnt. Its me who needs to start being independent.

I foresee 2008 being a harsh year for me. I am the type that needs time to really get use to things. I currently have not gotten used to the way I am suppose to live my life now but it is somewhat better then last year. Things are starting to seem clear to me now. What are my priorities and how to establish equilibrium with all of the priorities. Certain habits have to go if I wanna survive this current life of mine. For the time being, I just need a hobby. These are the criteria for it ( nah I know some people dont care. I just wanna put it up anyways)

preferably done alone so that if i ever have no 1 to waste time with, I can just do it alone and still enjoy it:)
if possible, I want something which can increase my level of concentration, alertness, stamina, and discipline( believe me I really lack these)
it should be cheap :P tho i dun mind spending some amount of cash as long as its satisfactory. But the cheaper the better. (this sentence sounds really wrong -_-; )
something I could never get bored with even tho the pattern of the activity is always the same.
it can be something new or something i've done before.
ideal time for activity should be around 4-7. Cuz my rest times is usually at these hours. Am too used to my childhood hours ;)

So that eliminates basketball, foosball, lepaking, dota, drinking alcohol, and surfing the net. What I think could fulfill the criterias are cooking(gonna need to know it sooner or later), drawing(i used to draw manga alot but have stopped since college), running(have much interest in this but the problem is, I'm already a bad of bones), archery(yea! i always wanted to do archery. Me and kit was suppose to take over Taylor's archery club but then you know, college days must be enjoyed:) this has the highest potential. Thing is.....where to shoot all those arrows*stares at me sis**smirk*) and lastly, building gundams again (the two things i used to be obsessed with. Gundams and anime. Those days are already very far behind me. But building gundams are for life:) if i do start this again, I'll start off by learning how to paint 1 using the airbrush 1st).

Well all these is under the assumption that i can find the equilibrium of all priorities la. Hope i find it soon. Now its just me and my cvs. Nites..........

2008-02-01T00:37:00.000+08:00

Life so far during these holidays is just plain boring. Timing is sometimes off cuz everyone have their own plans. There is nothing much to do these day as you get older except to study study study. True to say that I must put in double the effort to catch up. Its just that at times studying the whole time just makes things seem......endless. Sometimes i wonder if I didnt join med school and did something else how would it be. I'm not regretting that I chose to do medicine.Life in med school so far has its ups and downs but I'm really loving it:) I just find that I have just too much responsibilities currently to do such a course where I need to be studying continuously. You see my parent(yes parent.....its always 1 of the 2 who is creates problems for me.Needless to say which. You guys should know;P) has an OCD for cleanliness.

Spring cleaning in my house is basically the annual cleaning.Difference is, it takes the whole spring time to do so. Since when did we had 4 seasons anyway? I blame global warming and er.....the highway in front of my house. Subang is getting crowder by the days. Anyways, cleaning up like I said is tedious. It always start 1 month before chinese new year and new year. The rational is simply to prepare for a new year. So there will be 1 session in December and another in January?? I wanna stick the definitions of rational around the house now*scribble* This is why it takes so long to do spring cleaning. The cleaning is done in parts cuz its virtually impossible to do it all in 1 day(actually possible wan). 1 part can take a whole day. Then after that the floor must be vacuumed and mopped. And I mean the whole floor! Even if the part is upstairs at 1 section, the whole house must be mopped. This is because when we walk up and down to change the mops water or get drinks or watever reason la, we seem to transmit the dust particles around. OK! I can accept that. But then.......we're gonna clean another part tomorrow. So cant we just not step into that corner and leave the mopping for tomorrow? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
And not to mention that 1 part must be sparkling clean.

Basically whatever that can be seen must give that satisfactory squeek. I wonder whether the books,roof or even waste bins are suppose to squeek too?? hmm..... Over the years I've always shallowed all this. Becuz it is true la the house is kinda dirty. But the regime of my house's hygiene is too much of a torture. It feels like those Eygptian slaves who are forced to built the great Pyramid. Sigh. Despite all that I still do as i've been told. Not much of a choice for me actually. I cant let them(parents) do it alone. I wonder how will they all fare when I leave for Seremban.......Moderation is a new word that has to be learned here.

all prep'd up for inviting the new year.....took me some time to do this due to the wiring and climbing up the ladder to hang it.

the overall view:) no the lights are symmetrical. Its just that the light were blinking thats why the left side looks like its dropping. My skills are leet.

Here's some event that occurred recently since my last post.

My cousin got married:) Well he was already unofficially married in UK adi. Just came back to officiate things to us(paternal side) I guess. So the baby is expected soon I guess;P The wedding was really elaborate. But that how my uncle likes to do events. Always big and crowded. This particular event is fine. The food was great and since its a wedding there was alot of bottles opened up:)
Dinner was hectic at the beginning. I was posted as a receptionist for the dinner wedding. But when I arrived, my job was already being taken by some random people I didnt know. So I chilled around at the bar for a drink and some tid bits. Next thing I know, the whole reception was in a mess. Well serves them right for taking my job;P I wouldnt caused something like that. Noobs! lol No la actually its because everyone was so damn impatient to be seated. Stupid dato and datins. I know you all are of high stature but so is everybody else there. So cant you all just wait in line and dont fucking snatch the name list and then just toss it around?!?!? Not only did you all act like kids, you all were rude towards lil'ol me who was trying desperately to make things better. A person who holds a pencil is not necessarily a writer. Wearing a manager-looking-coat does not necessarily make me one. Not only was I given fed-up faces and harsh tones of words, one of you actually said I lack experience handling big events??? W.T.F. Politician acting so unorganized is really bad if the pictures and videos are publicly released you know*uploads on www*.....Anyways thats the bride and groom with the band singing at the back.

P.s.....The two at the left are my aunt n uncle actually. Not part of the band. The song was better of without them. And mum your so not going to have my baby pictures up on the projector...

hoho....this is to die for

My kinda rifle. One that gives me good shots ;)

what type of bottles I like? those which are emptied by me...

First time getting to see something like these. Now when I think of it, I didnt get any of that!!

Hey the food was good ok......And it was tiring trying to handle the reception....randomness

Had the annual foosball bbq party few days ago. It was a blast. Less people, more food, and more fun. I was THE senior there. Luckily I stayed back to actually handle it. Turns out that Sree didnt tell Barath nuts about organizing a bbq. Barath being the a vegetarian obviously doesnt know what to bbq. If i didnt helped him I guess we would be eating bbqed carrots, brinjals, cucumber, etc etc.....dun mind corn and potato though:) Due to the heavy rain that day, we managed to do it in IMU's premises.

We actually had fish....It wasnt that bad actually. Should have done ikan bakar lo...

I know its blur but that actually Jefferey. Since his going away thought I get him something at least...he was crying......I have the video*ehehehe*

kinda nice to be able to do it in a shaded area with the rain keeping us cool. Bbqs are usually hot due to the pits...

Our TNB generator providing us lighting;P thx Alvin

not sure what we are cooking here.......but everything tasted good so doesnt matter:P we no need know what we ate. Its better that way at times.

4 days 3 nites so far

2008-01-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

Waaaa!! Its a new year adi....HAPPY 2008 PPL!!! Having a well deserved holiday now although its more like a countdown of the number of days i can continue to be happy until i get my results. But these few days somewhat managed to make time fly for me and let me put my worries aside for awhile.....k so y dun we recap those short lived and happy moments of mine:P

Jan 3rd, Thursday: Watched my first movie of the year with the M107 frens. Was pretty happy cuz i felt freedom that day. Damn i tot the golden compass was some trilogy thingy which would be like lords of the rings. Tot it'll be some epic battle between the major forces of good and evil where the fate of the world lies in the lil girls hands. But turns out that all she could do i read the freaking compass -_-, which in fact wasnt really hard to read at all. Just needed some common sense and some real good questions. Rite..... Anyhow, i do wish that i did have the altheliometer. Just imagine the stuff i can find out using it.Could really use it now to see the truth on wed or use it to see what questions will be out on exam day......many other problems that i have too....i just love living in the fantasy world once in awhile:) YAY!! now i have season 1 of house to make time fly till dooms day from kim. Thx dear:)

Jan 4th, Friday: just like any normal day, i woke up to do the morning chores. Got 15 minutes to do it all before the clock strikes 12 noon :P Then went out for lunch with my sis cuz mum couldnt come back to take us out. Went to eat in Sri Devi's. Shud have ate something lighter cuz i didnt really have much appetite these days. But go a lil greedy i suppose:) Then i taught my sis the 101 of driving a car. Think i was a lil unwell that day considering the fact that i actually helped my sis. Then i also cleaned up my room and vacuumed the whole house. Oh dear. Pigs will be flying north soon for winter. Later that night i had to attend my frens farewell party. It was a fun night. There was holly-crap-more-then-you-could-eat amount of pizzas. It was like free flow of liquor. Did i mention there were free flow of liquor?? Felt like heaven(never been there tho). Well at least i get a taste of it before i go to hell lo.........Despite the oversize crowd, everything was fine. Manage to drink away my sorrows. Oh ya, its dangerous to be high near the balcony. Believe me;P Alcohol can be a great anti depressant and a great stress reliever. But overdose it, then there wont be anymore chances to drown ur sorrows as ur name appears in the newspaper's headlines. Alcohol is such a mysterious drink dont u think?? I'm a responsible drinker tho*ngehehehe*

The poolside of E-tiara. The sight of it already gives u that peace in mind. Nice place.

Then again...not that peaceful afterall:P was laughing when i took this pic.
I'm gonna get this. This rox big time!!

they tried to measure how drunk i was....but to no avail!! see i look fine :P

Jan 5th, Saturday: Got only 3 hours of sleep. Came back pretty late at night and i needed to leave for Penang in 30 minutes. So yea rush hour during holiday sux! Managed to get some sleep in the car though. And guess what? I WAS ALLOWED TO DRIVE HALFWAY THROUGH OUT THE JOURNEY!!!YAY!! its my first time la so yea am pretty hyped bout it.Went there to visit my grandmother who apparently fell down and had some spine injury. I couldnt take the picture of the Xray. It goes like this. The thoracic veterbra(thorax backbone) 9,10,11 is compressed and is moved to the right side by a few cm. She doing fine though. She can walk la but i can see that its not an easy task for her. She hides the pain just cuz my family came to visit her. We took turns to chat with her and hold her hands and stuff. Its pretty sad that she is in all these pain and when i hear my aunts and all talking and making fun of the mistakes she does. I know that they are not making fun of her being disabled abit now but somehow i feel that at times they shudnt gossip about it u noe. If they were to also dun la gossip like its some funny story. Despicable. Then at night we stayed at a hotel called Continental. Not too shabby but freaking noisy at night. Its located directly outside Penang's clubby zones so the noise didnt subside till about 4am.......had some time alone to relax. Stroll the streets for some piece of mind. Then the next day we left back for Subang.

yay i got to drive....

see solid proof

i tot the side ram looks senget lo.....mana tau...

betul betul senget ;P

the passenger which i was transporting.shes a lil worried tho.....

maybe cuz all these pics were taken by myself so far while driving 120 on the highway. so cleverrrr ;P

random stop....random pic

lunch was the 1st thing we needed. If u ever traveled to Penang this is a must try

the amount of drugs my grandma had to take within a few months. no vicodin though. wanted to try :P too much house adi

dinner is served.

pics taken when i roamed the streets at nite. a nice area with the sea breeze to relax.

would like to stay in this place for once next time

randomness 2

the market place.....

well that all for now. will be drowning myself with more alcohol to ease more probs in life. cheers!

2008-01-03T10:36:00.000+08:00

As most of you know , I flunked the first major examination of my first year in medical school. I nearly passed it. Just a little tiny bit more to pass but it was proven just impossible for someone who never really studied his stuff and just go into the exams, hoping that the questions that comes out are those which i covered for.......you rip what you sow.......So i spent the last month of 2007 studying till the 2nd of January 2008. And i must say that in that 1 month of studying really changed my life. This was the first time in my life that i ever failed any major examinations. I've always passed this kinda stuff(usually score brilliantly too) ; thought it was just a piece of cake but looks like life in uni cant be as relaxed as i thought it would be especially when its a medical uni.

I feel very much relieved for the time being that i've finish the resit but i'm still worried about the results. Feel very much like a piece of glass right now. So damn fragile...... I know i said that i did do well for most of the papers and stuff. I too at times wanna feel confident and put some hope into that but then it'll be exactly like the last exams. I am just very much afraid to harbor any hope into it.....I dont know what i'll do if i fail. All my life of studying to become a doctor, all the people that have faith in me, will all go to waste. Efforts, support, hopes, all of them drowns and sinks to the bottom of the ocean. Now i understand why certain people even consider suicide when things like that happen. Its really a feeling of helplessness and uselessness. I lost my appetite for 4 days in a row, studied like mad(12 hrs non-stop ; yea as in no water break and all except lunch n dinner) and also for the 1st time, i actually felt the grip of guilt around me and fear breathing down my neck. The feeling was very unpleasant.

My last month of 2007 was spent by studying relentlessly to make it thru, to make ends meet and to keep promises which i made to various people. The journey really had its up and downs. The down part was studying an extra month to make it thru, not to mention the demoralising factors because everyone was on holz and certain plans were interrupted cuz of me. Then there is the up part which is more then the down part. I finally knew how fear tasted. Paranoia to me all this while was nothing more than just a physic condition. The final 2 day before it was all over, i really felt helpless after doing my first paper. I screwed it up. I'm not sure how many questions was answered correctly but i'm sure that is gonna be the 1 that will pull down the overall grades. This is the first time in my life that i knew, to pass i'll have to work my ass off. I mean i've always known this for a fact but never did i experiences it at such a crucial time. So yea, now i know......
Its easy to estimate that to pass all i need is like 30/45 for ospe to compensate for saq and whatnot but in the end its all just thoughts to keep me going and pushing myself. The truth will only be reveled on that fateful day itself.

By now most of you would be thinking that i'm some hopeless emo fuck who cant control his own emotions or is stupid for not realizing it earlier or that it serves me right and etc etc. Well i take it all. I guess that this is the spices of life. Cant do much about it. I was raised by an overly protected mother. Not trying to say that i hate you for that or anything mum cuz i know that its just to keep me safe but then again i sometimes hope that you'll consider my future; protecting me too much will only make me weak. Then there is my dad who has always been somewhat irresponsible. Again i'm not mad. He is a great father. Its just that he dont always show how much he cares at my times of need(his kinda shy kua??). I guess thats why i grew up to become a little insensitive, ignorant, and have selective hearing. HOWEVER, i've taken this as a side effect to loving me too much. So its all good:) And from this arises my guilt for failing. During the last day of cramming, i kinda lost track of time and forgot bout lunch. Then out of no where came 2 slices of an aromatic, brown toasted bread, filled with ham. And it was delivered to me onto my table upstairs. I was about to turn around hoping to see my mum there, looking at what i'm studying. I saw my dad. He was on leave of like 2 weeks cuz we were suppose to paint the house but due to failing the exams i could helped put a lot. My help is actually very crucial cuz i'm really the only person who can contribute in doing this(he needs my height and youth to do this). At that very moment it i felt this feeling on my chest as though as something was sucking it from inside, depressing the surface. As i heard him saying 'looks good leh?' with him pose making him look like he is proud of something he achieved, i brokedown. Never did i expected that he'll come and deliver food to me at any kind of situations. He usually calls me down to come and eat cuz food is somewhat prohibited upstairs. It was almost like the person who brought the food up was foreign to me. From there onwards i knew how much hope he puts in me and how much he cared. I was really touched at the bottom of my heart. That increased the pressure to my the-people-who-are-expecting-me-to-pass list by a lot as he was never on my list. So after the emotional breakdown(like about 1-2 minutes??), i wiped my tears and strengthen my heart and will for i knew that i would have to be even stronger since i have to cater for another person on my list.

The implications if i fail the resit is very much like a 1 KO punch to a boxer who can take only 1 more blow to the head before goes down due to late stage brain tumor. I wont be able to get up again and death is not so far away for me. It'll suck out the very essences of my life cuz not only will i disappoint the ones i love but also it'll prove that despite all my effort done to prove that i can come out a doctor in 5 years, its just another useless rant made from this mouth of mine which moves faster than the brain. A personality is something which is very hard to change and its something that is formed throughout life. So i might just prove that all my life, i've been living it the wrong way. I'm not sure whether i'll be able to stand up again if i really do fail but i know that death is easier than staying alive. Never really liked the easy way. So i'll basically be a lost soul, something which is existent but not there. I dunno what should i even do with my life......too scared to end it but too helpless to start anew cuz i might screw up again. I really wanna pass. I've got a lot of things i need to do, got my family to take care of, need to reassure a very special person who is very dearly to me that i can keep promises, friends and relatives to enjoy with. There is many other things too but i'm too phobic to even think of it cuz things now are really uncertain.

All i can do is pray hard and sincere and cross my fingers. I vowed that if i do pass i'll turn a new leaf on. So please dear God, i leave my fate to your decision. I only hope that You would listen to this selfish request of mine. I have learned my lesson well this time and i swear to follow ur teachings from now on. My very life is very much dependent on this.

2007-12-08T23:02:00.000+08:00

I think I wont have anytime to blog again till the end of this year:( was really hoping to keep this blog alive by keeping me self company this holz but what do u noe; I failed my 1 finals. Well I'm actually ok with the idea that I failed. Somehow I dont really feel sad watsoeva(maybe cuz I knew it was gonna happen:P cant hope much since I didnt study properly) but to fail at the borderline where u maybe just 1-2% from the passing mark, that really sux. All my plan to cover up cvs, hang out n stuff literally fell to the ground. And reading everything back in 1 month's time b4 I take the resit was not part of the plan. Not to mention the stress that u get from trying not to disappoint all those who had hope in u + the phobia of going into the exam hall and getting blank while doing OSPE......haiz

Anyways I took 2 days off prior to me turning into a young adult from an old adolescences :P. Went to Extreme Night to envy on all the cars there......

the starting point of the event

and theres a hell lot more to see.....

panasonic sponsored the florescent light tube in the tires. sweet

well there must be police taking care of the place rite?

ehehehe. this aint the Wajas you see on the streets

this car might even be used for anti terrorism

lock and load:) gotta get 1 of those on my ride too :P

never wanted to be a cop as badly as after I saw these things

this is the normal 1 dont worry. Would like to see this 1 getting chased by the police EVOs

my mum is so gonna hit me with this block of er....brick if I turned her s70 into that

the most unnecessary thing to do if u had 10k to blow

this was where the back passanger seat USED to be.....no looking back now

neon strips for the interiors:) nice

All in all I felt like it was a waste of 25 bucks. They had too many luxury cars which horrendously modified. Waste of BMWs and Benzs I say. The there were very little protons which I was eager to see as a model to follow.

Next day I went to play paintball:) And yes it was fun!! 50 bux for an hour but it was worth it. Dun hv any pics of it since I was busy taking cover, returning fire, dodging bullet matrix style(yes its do-able but then like Neo, u still get hit on the shoulder for doing it for the 1st time) and looking for backsides sticking out from the bunker to fire at :P Am so gonna organize 1 for the Adventure club.

got shot at the anterior part of my larynx. luckily its from far range.

this 1 is from close range. And close range is like 5 meters apart.

Well as fun as it is, paintball is like all other new sports that sprout out this century; its dangerous if you dunno how to play it properly. Safety is always a priority in paintball. Mind u that i was wearing a vest and that close range shot did leave quite a swell. Bearable but still painful.

Okies time to go sleep and wake up early to study again.

2007-10-15T00:30:00.000+08:00

am in dire need of a margarita rite now XD need some alcohol...its been awhile adi.......n i'm on holiday. The irony :(

2007-10-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile people, that i finally updated this blog :P Have been busy this whole time. There was almost no end to the amount of stuff i needed to finish ever since i entered sem 2. Well i mean i do have free time here n there but those were used to de-stress myself or to catch up with my sleep ( technically 6 hours per day isnt just enough XD) or just plain laziness. Okies, well ever since the last time i blogged lotsa stuff had happened.Lets start from where i left off. Orientation was the next thing that came along. We OOs(orientation officers) had to provide guidance to the juniors during the orientation week. Like all the years before, orientation in imu is always fun. Though this year the severity of ragging was lowered whilst the laws of orientation went up. So not so fun like last time cuz all our plans that we made had to change prior to the new regulations applied. Anyways the group me n my friends orientated, 'Happy 3 Friends' was a great group. We gave then all our support and they proved to us by coming out first place in the overall standing for the M207 orientation. Damn thing is, i missed the part where they were announced as the winning group.

HAPPY 3 FRIENDS TOP !

Next there was the imu charity carnival run and CPR examinations. Nothing much to say here except that i passed the examinations even though some people tried to trick me at 1st XD It didnt work ok :P

was working so this is the oni pic i have

yeap. babies need tlc u noe

that how u put a victim after u've done cpr

Then as usual more studying for the purpose of not accumulating work n to make it to the end of 5 years of med school...........
my angel studying:) that y she deserved her B+

yea there was clinical visit at times too.......nothing to do with studies tho :P

this is erm....studying in a way too....very rare skill which can oni be found in imu :P

well we eat too......
singaporeans *sigh* :P

These r the recent events.....Got into my first accident. But not my fault at all. Was just waiting at the traffic light junction n i got rammed into thats all. Then my cat gave birth to 5 new kittens. This is C507 batch (cat-fifth generation 07).

This bumper is made of strong stuff. The other guys car was quite bad.

behold the new batch C507

oh ya before i forget, we also climbed the klang gates. That was quite an experience cuz it was like a live n death adventure. You snooze u lose......miss 1 step u die.
somewhere around 630 or so in the morning
bird's eye view from the hills
getting towards the early morning lightmy dear admiring the view :) shes experienced in hiking.....
rest station to watch the sunrisethe sun coming up very soon
darn sun light too bright to see the yellowish rays :(adverse effects of too much climbing up steep hillsthere were like 60 of us on a small hill peak........any wrong move u'll end up at the legs of the hills(kaki bukit) very fast......
that wat i meant by steep n no wrong moves

well that will be all for now. Hope i get to blog more after my upcoming exams XD btw i pass the recent 1 tats y i can still blog now.....:P till then............zzzzzzzzzz

2007-08-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

Well 1 by 1 they all leave *sob* Gopi left on saturday......so we had a lil celebration the nite b4 4 him......wanted to post some pics bout that nite and i just remembered that WE DIDNT TAKE ANY!! LOL sorry dude.........but thats what u get for always bitchin me :) bastard, even the last day i see you, you just must get me into troubles.........lol......will miss u tho.......thx for the TINY BOTTLE OF LIQUOR WHICH YOU GOT FROM GERMANY WHICH I CAN JUST DOWN IT AND GO 'AT LEAST IT TASTE GOOD. NO KICK THO SINCE ITS 0.0001% ALCOHOL' and a new testament book which seems like something u can get free from hotels........am being positive bout it and will just think that its something you wanted to pass on k.........keep in touch if u ever find this blog la........even if u do, i think the time u read this , this post might have been canceled due to insufficient space left:)

Well, soon after we left Gopi......yea we left him lol, we managed to make it for the Monash car fest.......IT WAS FUCKIN AWESOME MAN!!! its was full with modified cars from protons to ferraris.........then just as you were ogling at the shiny bling cause by 22's, you hear tires screeching n when u turn to that direction you c smoke.......yes ppl, there was a drift course there.

the fest

see the blings?

speechless.......

damn rich ppl......

yea this is wer i qualify to hang out. SATRIA GTI CLUB!

malaysia got sell taufu oso wan ok.....but we use saga instead

drifting.....too far n dark to c tho (no, its not my phonecamera that sux)

in n out.....tires botak adi

The after we got somewat bored and pissed off with all the rich ppl who were burning money like hell notes, we went minum........lol u noe kids when they try to imitate the stuff they c after a movie? well just lidat we intended to drift. So Adrian brought us to some empty ground where we attempted to try drifting......the result? self explanatory:) So only after such results when decided to go minum.......asiacafe is sometimes the best thing that ever happened but the jam it causes at the ss15 lanes, also makes it the most fucked up place on earth......so we detoured to some place called rafi......damn place closes at 11? wtf? that mamak must have been run by chinese ppl man........so being the subang guy,(feels proud of it:)) i took the gang to another lifely mamak around the corner......tats the thing bout subang, we're dead without mamaks. So prior to that and us subang ppl being the smarter ones( ducks and covers head 4 protection), we have *ouch* a mamak in every*ouch* section of *ouch*the housing areas.

the typical mamak session i have....

UNAUTHORIZED PICTURE TAKEN. ACTIVATING CYCLOPES BEAM!(u noe who u r:) )

vc getting excited at the jokes he tell.......

and we laugh at it.....his enthusiasm tat is

the normal uncool ppl just wonder whats so funny (ducks n protects head again)

So after that we went home. Btw bb to wan lin who will be flying soon. Although i know tat u dun read my blog and tat this message will get through properly but........at least its the thoughts that counts la......Next day woke up 630 to drive down to Nilai for MAPCU 3 on 3 streetball.......went to the wrong uni at 1st lol.......came to Inti Nilai cuz the seniors were like so clueless and chincai bout things then have to rush to Nilai International College University asap.......ish.......

official sponsors

they're everywhere.....

games......

girls event.....

as u can see everybody is seeking shelter from the scorching sun......wonder y i got sunburns......

prize giving ceremony

yes they were in the previous pic la

and as for the boys......y is everything self explanatory??damnit lol

half time performance at the end of the event??wtf?!

well at least we had a good experience.......damn it, they shud have a rule that nigger shudnt be allowed to play......they r as tall as me but can jump 3 times higher than me........*hides at the corner of the rooms* well at least we went back with MEDALS FROM THE GIRLS CATEGORY LOL..... i'm so gonna get zhi wen for this.......

2007-08-11T00:34:00.000+08:00

Finally decided to take some time off to blog. By rite there shudnt be any more of this 'taking some time off' thingy as there isnt anymore time left to waste.......the clock ticks every second i waste. But i finally subside to chilling instead......have to balance it once awhile also. So will be recapping on the events so far.......well i failed CPR :)......will have to retake it this monday. Damn it. I was quite certain that i would have passed. Even tho the passing rate is like 84% i tot i would be able to make it since i've done it b4.....ish, the rumors better not be right. Heard that they fail some ppl who pass to make the exam look hard.....am not sure of the reasons to do so but when u see smart ppl failing as well, it makes u think bout the rumor twice......

The juniors will be in next next week. It'll be some wat fun n troublesome cuz its our study week then. So things might be a lil hectic i think. I'm thinking that this orientation wont be as fun as the my batch's cuz theres a lot of traditional elements which were excluded in this orientation like the IMCC, cross-dressings, raggings, etc etc.....n we'll have to teach them first aid n CPR for orientation?? wtf?! Had a few outings. Went to laundry again for Tjun Hoe's bday. Well somehow it wasnt as fun as last times 1 wer we celebrated Terence's n khee lung's bday.......it was more lively then..... Tjun Hoe's was more like a quiet dinner at the table lol......

'the normal stuff we do on bdays to make us fun ppl'

'the crew'

'thats what you get for lying bout your birth date'

'the girls'

'the guys'

'a lil gift from us'

'the blue bomb'

'he looks hi.......'

'drinking session begins'

'jo the friendly ghost'

'ownage'

'wan yuin lo'

'once again, give it up for the ladies'

well i'm off 2 get some sleep now........

this is my 1st attempt leh.........

2007-07-30T03:04:00.000+08:00

lost to a saleswoman and was forced to join her evil scheme in converting the ppl of the world into using bl*gsp*t.......shes up to no good, GET HER!!